i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
