is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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