Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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