is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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