If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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