Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
