no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
