you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
