I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Michael Bay diarrhea
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
