just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
