Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
