my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
