i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
