she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
