who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
