At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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