Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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