If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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