goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
