I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
