Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
