He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
