This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
