you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
