break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
