sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
