if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
