there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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