She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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