Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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