i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
