I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
