Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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