I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
