when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
