Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
