tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
