there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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