i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize