Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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