let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
