M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
