where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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