Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
