Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
