I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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