47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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