Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
