Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
