Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
