Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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