She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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