apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
