dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize