Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
