no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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