I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
