Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
