i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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