Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
