I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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