and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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