I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
