Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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