He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
