OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
