when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
