Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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