Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
